(add your own LIGHT-HEARTED meanderings here....)




Why do punters come up to dance to a song when theres only 20 seconds of it left?

Dont notice it in clubs so i will say they dont

Same, whenever I put a song on they like they come up within the 1st 30 seconds of the song.

Daniel

Why do grooms still hang thier mobile phones off thier suits

Why do taxi drivers ask you to announce their fare over 'the mic' once you have packed up?

Why is there nothing left by the time I get to the buffet?

Why does a bird in hand invariably sh*t on your wrist?

AND

Why does Cliff always bring out a piece of rubbish at this time of the year ?

why do birds suddenly appear...?

why is everybody leaving in 5 minutes???????????

every time, you are near.

tend to notice this when you welcome guests to join bride and groom for the first dance....guests either straight there on the dancefloor or wait for the song to begin to fade!!!

Why do people come up and ask :

"have you got any R&B" then when you put some on, they don't dance...

"put something decent on" when the dancefloor is full!!!!

Why does it start raining when i'm packing up?

and

and why can't some punters ever think of a song title rather than saying....'I dunno, just play something different!!!'

Wait till half an hour before the finish, then bring loads of requests.

start playing at 8 but dancefloors empty until 11.30 then nearly everyone starts dancing and your finishing at midnight, and then comes those imortal words.... oh go on please play one more record

Why do they breathe?

Why do people not enjoy themsleves unless they are pi$$ed? Ooo, contraversial.

and why do they request naff tunes for impossible situations .

For example; from Tuesday night;

Old bloke: Please can you play "Fleetwood mac: Albatross" its my wifes favorite record.

Me: Yes, I should be able to play it near the end. Will you and your wife be having a nice dance to it later?

Old bloke: Oh ur no, my wifes not here tonight, shes at another do.

Why, just when I think I've managed to do a night without playing it, someone asks for the Cha Cha Slide

PaulS

Why is the switch for the main lighting over the dancefloor always behind the bar, in another room, or even down the cellar.

Why do kids always ask for R&B and when you say "like what or who" They never have any idea. Ask em what R&B stands for and they rarely know that either.


We keep plastic cutouts of the letters R and B now and just hold them up and say "yes". They usually go away then.(mumbling)

Dunc.

Or people who ask you

'What have you got ?'

'Can I look through your CD's'

From last nights 60th, and not the first time.

Why do people wait till 20 minutes before the end, when the party's in full swing, to decide to stop the party while they cut the cake.

Madguts ... roflmao

Why do venue managers / caretakers all have this idea that you can pack up, load the van and be away - all within 5 minutes of playing the last track?

Why do smart mouth teenagers act like they know everything?

Why is the only available female at a gig always aged over 60?

Why are Dj's attract the attention of every nutcase, and pillock in the room?

Why is every other person who comes to make a request, also a DJ?

Why is the nearest socket about 25 metres away from where the staff instruct you to set up?

Why is the fuel gauge always on reserve when i'm in a rush to get to a gig?

Why is there always a car or skip blocking the parking space nearest to the stage door at a venue?

Why do all djs moan a lot and retire every other week !

Why do people come and moan about your choice of music at the beginning of the night. I'd only played my first two songs and I had a lady come up moaning about how I was playing the music I liked instead of the crowd.


Why do people book a disco and then complain it's too noisy, they can't talk.

Why do people act with so much mock surprise when you tell them that you haven't got the obscure requests?

EG. Punter: "Oi mate, play track 7 off of the KILLERZ album will yer"

Me: "I dont have the KILLERZ album. What was the name of track 7?"

Punter: "Whaaaat?! You haven't GOT The KILLERZ album? Really? you haven't got it? Honestly ? ker...." <walks away, shaking head>

Its a great album Gary and it was radio 1 s album of the week when i was in the uk 2 weeks ago, the single " Somebody told me " has topped charts all over europe. Worth giving a listen but not wedding gig material

why do hotel managers think they know how to run the perfect function, then go home just after the coffee is served??????????????

Why is it that, the more people that attend a function the smaller the dance floor as more tables are fitted in

When you're told there should be about 300 people coming to the night do and only 100 turn up, where are the other 200 bodies lurking???


At weddings why is it you always get the little kid staring at your light boxes and some adult usually holding hands dancing on the floor with a child.??

at wedding anniversery etc you always get a few girls complaining about the old music and selfishly asking for R'n'B, though everybody else at the party is over 50 , so you play them a few tunes cos they get their mum to tell you to, and they proceed to dance miserably around their handbags - yet by the end of the night they're dancing to Tiger Feet with their grannies and thoroughly enjoying it....

Just to help out this old f*rt, if pressed to play "R'n'B" with a room full of 50 somethings, what would be the one or two tracks to play?

(I always thought R'n'B was what the Stones did in the 60s )

Hi

Why, when I've been doing this lark for several years now, is it that the guests are the only people who knows what will get a croud going.

example.

"oy mate, play some motown, that'll get them all dancing"

No!!! you think????

Give me bloody strength.


Why did someone just request that track that I left in the sterio at home, when I had every intention of playing it tonight?

Why do venue managers think it's possible to set up in a space that is 2ft by 3ft by 3ft?

Darren

and why do people book venues that are far too large for the number of guests - I played to 75 people the other night in a hall that was licensed to hold 300, there was tumbleweed I tell you.......

OK, talking of small numbers in large venues in the last 6 weeks I have done

11 people in a hall for 200
14 people in a room for 165
24 people in a room for 150


and have done

8 people in a room for 150
0 people in a room for 300
1500 people in a room for 1000

Think someone is trying to tell you something Andy

Why do people either ignore the part of the booking form which says MUSIC PREFERENCE or just put something like 'anything' or '80's to 2004', and then on the night with 20 mins to go come up to you and say something like " oh yeah they all love their rock this lot" or " this bunch are well into reggea, gets them going every time"

Why, when you are playing Gregory Isaacs, Marley, UB40 etc, does some twit come up and say "Can you play some reggae?" :ouch

Why don't people know the name of of the track/artist and only the few words from the middle of the song? " It was a hit in the 80's, you know, that one that goes ......"

Why do you always get some random bloke in the crowd who's either been a DJ himself or has been a roady for a disco. Then you get them that have just done a season in Ibiza or somewhere.

Ask them why they aint working ?

And why do you get the people that arrange free parties, or DJ drum and bass.....











..... Dancing to ABBA or Jerry Lee Lewis !

Why is there always someone at a gig that assumes everyone likes what they like?


And why does the same person find it shocking that you don't have that obscure track that noone has ever requested before (and no one will again) that they want you to play? Now.....

Why do little girls cry when you say that you've finished playing kiddy songs and now it's the adult's turn to dance?