have you noticed that at some point at most gigs, you will always get approached by some whopper, armed with his pint of stella, headin towards your expensive equipment, asking the question "hey mate, have you got any decent music?" and when you answer him with something like, "of course mate what music would you like?" he never has the faintest idea, just not what you are playing at the time, he then asks, can he have a look through your music library? ha , cheeky so, you decline his kind offer, and let him on his way, to the sounds of a muttered c:cense:p, is this a widespread phemomy .... pheno...fenone....phenimion........THING! ? or have i just been really unlucky??

*EDIT*
Gary (WotUWnt2Hear)
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Have you got anything decent? - people are quick to tell you what they don't like but normally get flummoxed when you ask them what they do want.

Can you play something with a beat? - erm, everything has a beat.

Have you got any (insert artist's name)? - you play a song but they complain they don't like that one, like you're meant to know that.

Phenomenon

And yeah, it's part and parcel of the job. When someone asks "Have you got any sixties/seventies/elvis/whatever" I always say "Yes, name a track". The majority never can.

what makes me boil is when you do put what they want on,they dont even dance or they have gone home

lol yeh

"have you got anythink better to play"

Yes i have load what would you like me to play ..

"Hmm i don't no anythink"

Why ask when they don't even no what song they like

I got asked to play Beyonce "crazy in love" when I had played it 20mins before! I said sure I'll put it on but I've already played it... "oh have you?" aaahh!!

This was the same gig that I played a MJ tune and EVERYONE walked out of the room! a world first?!

All part of the job! ;-)

Nowt as queer as folk, as they say!

i love it when someone asks for a request ! you play it even give a shout out for the person who asked for it !!!

then about half an hour later they ask for it again ???

you tell them you did and they reply i didnt here it ! i was out for a smoke or in the loo ???

am i ment to watch the loo's and door all night ???

Yep - all DJs are expected to babysit the audience. Rule number 7

Some bars I play in people will come in, the first thing they do is run to the DJ and demand their request NEXT. I'll have played it 10 minutes earlier - "oh but we've only just got here"... but everyone else has already heard it.

'Play it next' really gets on my nerves! I'll say no because there are 10 requests before yours, and I don't play request after request, and they'll ask Why... demand it next or theyre leaving. Fine. leave then!

Meanwhile the other 90% of people are having a great time and dancing away.

The worst is when they ask for a song and before the current song I'm playing finishes they'll come up to me a second time and ask why I've not played it yet.

does anyone else reply with "no sorry, i left all my decent music at home"

I take offence at people asking me if I've got any decent music. The punter is in effect saying what you are playing or have been playing is This comment usually comes from the under 25's as a rule.

oh,, i thought they only lived around here......

I know what you mean.

What does the word 'decent' mean to people though!?
No swearing? Lyrics sung in a joined up sentance? Up-tempo? Down tempo?

The definition of the word 'decent' might suggest 'adequate or sufficient in quality', 'above average in quality or quantity' and dare I say 'conforming to accepted standards of moral behaviour'...but 'decent music'? Hmmmm? Tricky!

Imagine what the DJ could respond with! Any decent answers as opposed to indecent?

I always reply "This is decent music, What rubbish do you listen to". It usually clears them off

Regards Paul's Karaoke

"Put some music on i can dance to." Hmmmmmm...............



Anybody heard that one when the dance floor is heaving?

I have this in a laminated A4 i often pin it up when there are difficult customers

Forgot where i got it from and i may have re written bits so i cant honestly give original source

Ten things not to ask a DJ

1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD... SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO!
The DJ has to play for more than one person... so what you hate may
be another's favourite song and EVERYTHING played here can be danced to,
one way or another!

2. WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A "BEAT"! …Get real! We know of NO songs played in a club or pub that don't have some sort of BEAT!

3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS............
PLEASE don't sing for the DJ. We have to put up with rooms full of smelly people and loud music levels all night long... Do us a favour and DON'T give
us a rendition of your favourite song, however good you might think you are, if you can’t remember the title or artist of your favourite song it’s hardly going to be that good!

4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT!
OK...So you just polled everyone in the club /pub and, as their spokesperson, you're requesting the song… I don’t think so.

5. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE IF YOU PLAY IT!
The DJ won't. I guess that blows a hole in your theory!

6. I CAN IMPRESS A GIRL IF YOU PLAY IT AND I MIGHT BE IN WITH A CHANCE!
Why settle for one night? Buy the CD, flowers and chocolates for her that will impress her much more.

7. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT!
The ONLY people who can get away with that statement sign the DJ's pay cheque!

8. WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
It's a lot easier for you to go have another beer and figure out what you want to hear than it is for the DJ to recite the name of every record in the
box!

9. HEY, MAN, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS!
It's NOT advisable to say this when the dance floor is packed (but some
people do anyway)! HOWEVER, even if there is only ONE person on the floor, it STILL contradicts the statement!

10. PLAY IT SOON BECAUSE WE'RE LEAVING!
If you're going to leave after I play it, why shouldn't I wait until the
very last song so you can stay all night!

What MJ Tune...I am intriged and surprise!

Trying not to veer too far off track, one my favourites, which is guaranteed NOT to get me to play a request is "Can you play ............ because me and my mate have got to go!"

I've also in the past, when somebody has asked for some R & B, played say Chuck Berry. They come back later and ask why I haven't played any, I tell them I've just Played the main man of R & B Chuck Berry, oh the befuddled look on their face!

I've had this happen to Billie Jean and Thriller as well as others...... some young crowds before his death couldn't care about MJ and just wanted Choons.. now hes back in fashion so to speak

Haha, enjoying the answers here... so true!!

Can't remember for definite what MJ tune it was Dave, but I'm pretty sure it was Don't stop til you get enough! the ultimate floor killer of course.. I'm sure if I'd played anything else out of my collection they would have stayed! maybe some dubstep or something? *cough*

God that must have been a while back. Young crowd want loadsa MJ nowadays but that will fade if it hasnt already started. I never thought of playing dont stop until his passing and then it was requested at every gig!! It's weird the way things happen suddenly...

My reply to can you play some good music is "Yes I can but you wont like it"


Nik

lol like it !!! and Pauls karaokes response



when i was starting off one experienced DJ told me to widely smile with a vacant starry eyed expression nodding to any request . then when they come up again to ask why its not been played... just do the same ..they either think you cant hear them or are a little strange..lol ..never tried it my self but he worked for 30 years doing that !!.. didn't say anything just smiled at them nodding lol

Haha Robster might have to try that.. vacant and starry eyed lol

@ Dave, it was in August so they were either sick of MJ from the radio coverage or just wanted "something they can dance to" ;-) *cough*

What Not To Say To A DJ

Sound advice, it works

I often get asked if I have something decent when doing my Saturday night gig, from one drunkard or another.
It's mostly dance and chart on a Saturday night... I just reply with "Yes, I have loads of decent stuff, but look at my long hair... Do you really think you'll like it?"


There's a woman who gets into my Friday gig each week (probably early to mid 40s) who is a nightmare once she gets drunk. Always moaning about what is being played is rubbish. I point out that A) She's been dancing to it most of the night. B) The dancefloor is full! C) I'm only playing what people request, what would you like to hear? (To which she responds "Anything decent!) I once went as far as C) If you don't like anything I play, why do you come?
There was one night when she was REALLY drunk and started shouting on at me that I was a rubbish DJ and that if I went on the way I did just playing rubbish then I'd be getting the sack.
"Oh... Didn't know punters could sack the DJ nowadays"
"No, but Davey the manager can!"
Davey hasn't owned the place for about 2 years!!!!!
Despite moaning she spends the rest of the night dancing until she leaves.

Gotta love her lol


Another annoying one is each week a certain young lad comes up to me with a request (he's always had a skinful) and whatever he's requested I've just played about 4 or 5 songs back.
This is how a typical conversation goes with him...
"Hea mate ha ye got that new Akon serng?"
"Sorry mate, played it not so long ago, but there's loadsa time left so I'll play it again before the end of the night."
"Wey if yer ganna play it again, ye might as weel whack it on next"
"Like I say mate, I'll play it before the end of the night."
"I really wonna hear it though"
"You're probably not the only one, so that's why I'll play it again"
"Next?"
"No not next, later!" (By this point I'm starting to loose my rag, and each week wonder if I'd feel guilty about hitting my panic button and getting him thrown out lol.
"So you'll play it later?"
"Yes"
"In like, 3 songs or so"
By this point in the conversation someone else (less drunk) has normally turned up to request something so I can turn my attention to them and ignore him.
He once said to me "If you play it next I'll give you a quid like!" Oh, like that's going to change my mind!
I once really lost my rag with him when he pestered me 5 times in less than 40 minutes for the same song so I said "Look mate, the more you pester me for the song, the less likely I am to play it! OK!?"
He seemed to get the point then!

you knicked my customers? lol ...spot on comments these are common types in residencies in my neck of the woods ...luckily i have a few regulars who like what i do and stick up for me when i get a pain in the rear.

The ones who moan often do come in each and every week , i have a guy who loves live music and bands and hates karaoke but he comes in every week and stays to the end , he moans about karaoke nights etc to everyone but he turns up every week ! there is even a pub down the road with live music on on that night. sometimes i think they just like the banter.