Its creeping up on us again...that time of year when Grannies across the UK storm into Iceland on November the 29th telling them they've got their Christmas stuff in WAY too early. The same grannies are then moaning at the same shop staff on December the 24th @ 16:59 whining that they SHOULD still have more Turkeys left in stock "Its Christmas tomorrow, you know...".

So...from a DJ's point of view...what sensible hints and tips can we give to each other, to help each other, help our audiences enjoy themselves.


Here goes:

Christmas Dinner dances...these are the heaven-sent gigs, counteracting all those wedding gigs, where the bride and groom have underestimated every single part of the day, and expect YOU to be able to get the whole day back on schedule, by setting up in 2 minutes flat...despite "Little Stevey" running his Corgi Chieftan Tank into your ankle as you carry your most fragile bit of equipment in, and Grandad and old drinking friend deafly standing right in your way, in the Fire Exit, as you carry the heaviest bit in.

During the meal, dont just leave a Christmas album on, apart from maybe the last week just before Christmas. People just dont seem to be able to stomach 20 Christmas tracks in a row, especially when Christmas is still 3 weeks off. Use the Relay Play, or Robo-start, functions on a CD deck to alternate between a Christmas, and a non-christmas album, if you can. If not, consider making a tape/CD up with just a few Christmas tunes sprinkled in amongst plenty of other background music tunes.

Hover in the bar/smoking area between courses, with a pen and paper. Not only will this be good for taking requests but you can overhear lots of PRIME material to use later, which will really help to break the ice... Last year I overheard that "Marion" had told her kids to pick all their toys off of the floor as "Mummy would be coming home drunk and will simply tread, or fall on them...". and "Nigels offered to drive tonight...Sharon was amazed, its the first time in 20 years that he's offered to drive..." and "Dont let Donna get drunk again, she'll get two of those pointy cone party hats, pull her top down and do her Madonna impression again".... (scribble, scribble, scribble)

Its commonplace for hotels etc to "mix" smaller parties together. EG: One function room could well be occupied by 10 different companies...eg: 3 x tables = WHSmiths, 4 x tables of "St Winnifred junior school teachers"...etc..etc.. In such "Mixed" gatherings, dont give in to anyone asking to borrow the mic...nothing, NOTHING is as boring to other groups than having some old accountant or director drowning out your groups dinner conversations with some old "Its been a tough year, however..." speech...YAWN! Suggest instead that such "public speakers" simply stand inbetween their own tables and speak up...

Also at mixed-group dinner dances, be prepared for the venue to stagger the seatting times of the groups.... Nat west sitting at 19:30, Pewter & Co sitting at 19:45, Thompsons sitting at 20:30 etc, etc... This will mean that the earlier groups will be on their Coffee and After eights, while the last group are just tucking into the Prawn Cocktails... To save the first groups getting bored and making a B-line for the bar (all night)... consider a music quiz.... invite all tables to join in - even those tables still eating should be able to find enough room for an answer sheet on the table, inbetween the paper cracker halves, the red wine stain, and the half a sprout that no-one will own up to.

Theres enough ideas to be getting on with...anyone else???

I agree with Gary's comment about not letting one party take over the mike at the expense of everyone else at the function. Last Christmas about half the venue was booked by a supermarket whilst the rest were smaller companies.

The supermarket crowd had bought raffle tickets and wanted the draw between the meal & the disco so I gave the radio mike to the manager who had a voice that made you want to slit your wrists - also being from a store they must have raided the stockroom for prizes and despite my efforts to speed them up because all the non-participants were getting bored it took over 20 mins, but at least everyone was ready for the disco when it started - eventually

I also agree with the background music tip. I would mix in some of the years chart music which would not be suitable to dance to later with some seasonal music and a few classic oldies. Towards the end of the meal a few sing-a-long tracks will help to get them in the party mood.

One final piece of advice is don't overdo it. It is the busiest time of year for us but make sure you schedule in some time off to recuperate.

Happy Christmas Y'All

Ah yes, the never ending raffle.

A nice quick, simple idea for speeding up raffles...

Since the delay in raffles is the time for some half-sloshed punter to realise that its THEIR ticket thats just been called. ("No love, there isnt a ticket called 1E...thats 31, and you're holding it upside down....") its THIS part of the raffle that gives the most opportunity to be speeded up...

So, instead of ONE person being picked to pull out the first ticket, Invite TWO people to pull a ticket out...that way, there will always be two punters (eventually) shouting "Oh thats me" and then zig zagging their way through the chairs, tables, handbags and the office junior (often the party organiser) whos just had her first alcoholic drink ever, and is now star-shaped in-between tables 6 and 7, just waiting to be tripped over.... whooops...there goes another two winners...

If its a really huge selection of raffle prizes, or a really huge/long venue, then adapt the above idea to 3 or 4 tickets...the pace accelerates dramatically....just watch out that no-one picks out more tickets than there are prizes....

Oh, and one more survival tip for raffles....IF you've "generously" bought a strip of tickets, DONT be involved with the drawing of the winning tickets...the humourous calls of "FIX" definately have a subtle sharp edge to them, when some "outsider" wins the last bottle of decent wine...

I like the note pad idea......imagine this!

Overheard in the bar whilst guests were getting ready to go to the tables.....

"...and then I used two hands and pushed it as hard as I could...." - what, talking about the husbands money that had fallen out of the wallet?
"...mine was bruised but I still had to eat it...." - what, apples?
"....then, she took it away and threw it like a frisby over the neighbours fence...." - what, the remote control?
" ...are the spots on my back showing through....." - what, the blouse or the skin?
"...here, did you see whose arrived with Gordon tonight...." - who, arrived eh? Go on, who was it?!

I've edited a lot down but the general idea is this - Gary makes a good point, just be careful what you say or it might come across, not intended as said!!!!!!


Could you imagine repeating those at your very FIRST GIG???
"Yeah - DJ Otzi for Sandra...Right, guess what folks? I overheard in the bar earlier........"

Exactly....tread with care....theres not only a "fine line" between riské, and rude, that line is in a slightly different place for some people. But, if you can use (overhear) something thats sits right on the majority of peoples "fine line", then you're making progress.

Another example of me using something on-mic, that I'd heard in the bar.

I was able to say to one young lady - "That dress looks so much better on you, than when your sister borrowed it last week, even before you'd had chance to put it on..." was just direct "echo" of what I'd heard her telling here mate in the bar earlier.

OK, I've heard lots of things that you just cant use too. Like a young lady telling her mate that she's put on 6lbs "all on her hips" ... fine, all of her female friends would like to gloat, but the owner of the hips wouldnt be impressed one bit.

Its just knowing where to draw the line, and maybe thats one of those things that only comes from DJ'ing a while.

Hey Gary ,we celebrate Christmas on the 24th of December here which means the old dear wouldnt get her Turkey on the 24th cos the shops are all closed!

Ah yes, I forgot the regional customs and time zone variences...doh!

Dont worry Granny could still get plenty of turkey, simply by turning on the radio any time around Christmas...

That reminds me, I must get a new glittery top hat for the all too obvious Slade record.

Anyone else got "Baron Knights: R R R Rock me Father Christmas"? True Baron knights lyrics, sung over otherwise "normal" songs...

Very fine line treading here but after some year experience it can be pulled off very well. I always pick up on things people say. And as most of us 'oldies' can lip read too this is helpful when people are talking on the dancefloor.

Ah but Gary the British royal family also celebrate on the 24th and they are in your time zone and does windsor really have local customs?

Yes, Windsor I beleive does indeed have its own customs.

They think that a Creché, is the name given to the collision of two 4 wheel drive vehicles...

"Eww I say Lizzy, look at that Creché"

Do i detect an overdose of imagination here!

Nope! Thats me in my usual state of mind.


Anyway...Christmas Parties/Dinner dances:

Heres a couple more suggestions.


*) Between courses, organise salvo's of co-ordinated "snowball fights", between tables - using the numerous halves of Christmas Crackers.... "5...4...3...2...1...FIRE!!!" at this point the whole of Table 5 stands up and launches their long-range attack using weapons of mass disrupton, at Table 2... (or their favourite boss!)

*) Get them to clear a little space in front of them and invite them to thump the table in time to the chorus of "Jona Lewis: Stop the cavalry (rum pum du du dum...rum pum du du dum...rum pum du du dum tum tum tum")

*) Tour the tables with a radio mic, pouncing on poor unsuspecting people to read out their cracker jokes - (this works better with some trivial prizes)

*) Table Vs Table carol singing....stick to the easy, well known ones: Jingle Bells, Deck my balls with sprigs of holly(!), Slades Merry Christmas Everybody, Boheimian Rhapsody....etc..

me thinks you are looking forward to xmas

Yes, Im looking forward to Christmas...

it'll be the first day that I'll have off in December! except Sundays. Then I wont work Christmas day, not for any money - and I was offered £1100 for A christmas afternoon/evening booking about 3 years ago but refused it.

Then theres a couple getting married on the Saturday between Christmas and New Year (fools! - so many suppliers close down for the whole week), then of course its New Years Eve...

I never work Christmas Day or New Years Eve was actualy offered £2500 to do new year 2000 but turned it down cos i thought he was joking!He wasnt

Taking this way of topic now, but heck, it was my thread....

Looks like I've got two repeat "bookings" coming up this year again...both Christmas Eve.. and both identical instructions to last year...and neither are Disco's.

I've been asked by one neighbour to SNOW their front garden, bushes, trees, cars etc...using my two snow machines. I did this for them last year, after they saw me doing my garden/cars etc... depending on ground temperature, the snow lasts about a day and a half, and they've got family coming around on Christmas day, so hence a White Christmas is required....Cost? £15 "just for the fluid" (so I've told him)...besides I'll be out there doing my garden too, so I'll already have the extension leads out etc....and it beats No.4's homebase outdoor lights instantly...

Second "booking"...is much more fun. Another neighbour has two children - 5 and 7 (strange names ), who always get up and go downstairs at about 2am on Christmas morning. (didnt we all?) I'll be arriving home about that time, or shortly afterwards, with my Santa Suit, beard, wellies etc... My instructions? You've guessed it... the neighbours want "Santa" to tap on their lounge window and give a little ho ho ho to the children...

Of course, THIS YEAR, I hope I dont get stopped by the Police as I'm driving home in my Santa Suit......."'ello ello ello Reindeer run off an' left you this year Santa..."

Just gotta remember not to leave "Santa" footprints in my own snow....

I'm already looking forward to Jan 2nd 2004

Size 8 and size 18 together.

Sorry is Gary a 10 ?

Oh my word! I've just found some more smilies too....

There I was, just tucking into my Pizza, , banging my head against a brick wall trying to find the right smilies to use, and not having much luck , and I spotted quict a few new ones. Chris must be getting clever in his old age.

So a big thank you to Chris, so that he doesnt think that his efforts have gone un-noticed and sulk