The playlist is currently doing a poor job of keeping a small rock warm and dry, at the bottom of The River Congleton.

Such lists should be refered to (whislt talking to the host) as "A rough guide, depending on the audience". Theres no good in playing 80s music at 9:05 if the punters wanted it at 8:00pm.

The only theory about playing certain music at certain times, is that old age pensioners might not last the night until midnight or 1am...so play their music early... playing younger clubber music early gives younger clubbers a good reason to disappear from your gig earlier on, enabling them to "catch" entry into the local dive-bar before the bouncers start getting fussy.

Yes, i've had some audiences like that...where i'm left wondering whether its worth adding a defib unit to my first aid kit . Some Xmas gigs I daren't play "Last Christmas" in case the audience take it personally.

The playlist is too long to post here - 400+ songs, not sure if they expect me to be booked all week . The interesting part is going to be the first half of the Evening. For the 1st 2 hours+ they want the same 1 cd played continuously. Given the fact that there is only 10 tracks on there, they are going to need more. When I metnioned this to them they said, No just loop the cd - i.e the same 10 tracks played continuously for 2 hours+ until the buffet . Hmmm, must be like working in Tesco.

Then I have to play the "Playlist" track by track, the first few tracks aren't bad...i.e all 60's, then all 70's..then it merges into a "free for all" which has no structure at all. For instance, Bill Haley followed by the corrs, followed by Moterhead!!!! , and they are adamant (not Adam Ant - thankfully) that they want it playing in THAT order, and there is no flexibility of deviation whatsoever, and no provision for their 300+ guests to make THEIR requests.

Some couples just want a kick up the bloody

With over 400 songs in their playlist Chris, you've got 'em

400 songs, at an average of 4mins per song is 1600 mins (or 26 hours). Put it to them that you're obviously going to have to prune the list, and say that the best way of doing so, is to prune the list going by the audiences requests and reactions to the songs already played/playing.

Otherwise, your going to get to the end of the evening and still have over 20 hours of unplayed list.

As always, my suggestion for when restrictions are applied to the DJ, the music policy, volume etc. Tell the audience - en mass -. Select the words carefully, but in essence tell them that "Unlike a normal show, every single tune that you'll be hearing tonight, is from xxxx's list, which he's asked us to play from strictly in the order that he's written it, without deviation. You might get one frown/cringe, and admittedly thats could be from the list-writer himself, but you'll get 299 understanding minds/souls too.

Why not distribute copies of the playlist around the function room/venue prior to the audiences arrival...again indicating that the host has supplied the list and wants the playlist order maintained regardless...

Also, why not mention to people that, early on in the evening they might like to mark on the list which songs they will visit the bar and toilets during - and which song they'll go home on...

I've already (Subtly) pointed out that this is their first Wedding and I have done over 2000 over the years, and part of my service is benefitting from the experience gained over the years. I also pointed out that the distribution of request slips and Audience participation is again free and all part of the service (hint).

Their reply was that their 300 and odd guests are all into exactly the same music as them (Must be like the DJ Version of Village of the damned ) and won't want to make any requests. I've already made up my mind that the bride is a selfish, spoiled woman who always gets her own way - her finance' was receptive to my ideas and suggestions but I got the impression that she stamped her foot and was running things HER way.

Most of their main requests are not a problem, it just needs a bit of structuring, all 70's together, all 80's together etc, as any D.J knows its difficult to follow a slow RNB track with a 70's rock classic, then back to a chart hit, especially at a Wedding, when trying to control a dancefloor. The idea of one CD playing for 2 hours is stupid, and at best will make it look very unprofessional. There are going to be around 50 - 60 kids there, so I even pointed out (Karens Idea) that we even offer Childrens Entertainment for the 1st 45 mins to 1 hour whilst the Adults chat, drink etc but even that offer fell on deaf ears.

Yes, and that idea is okay, although I do by default cover 4 counties since the local bookings (as i've mentioned before) do only fetch around £80 - £100 per night! . So I tend to cover the more lucrative city centre area's and down into Derbyshire, Sheffield, Manchester etc and logistically it would be impossible for me to do the 100 - 200 mile round trip for each "chat" if asked by everybody who booked me, and given the cost involved, I may as well be doing the £80 / night gigs locally!. I never refuse the request, if a Bride and Groom wish me to visit or meet at the venue prior to the actual event, but I don't actively push a meeting unless its requested. Luckily the majority of my work is from word of mouth so most customers have seen me previously and know how the event is "managed" entertainment wise!.

I would have been tempted to stick the pitch up by a moderate 5-10% for the whole night.

This little rouse, plus the fact that the actual usable length of a track (before the fade) is never as long as the CD player says that it is. together with a few extra seconds "saved" per song as you crossfade one into the other, should throw his timings out by a couple of songs worth per hour - giving you a gap at the end of the night of maybe 5~10 songs...

After the first hour the groom would have lost faith in his timings and would probably have just given you a comment of "oh whatever"

so she's the avatar girl!

Someone who also DJ'd for the old agency I was with used to keep some rivals cards for that very purpose...

It sort of went hand in hand with the game of taking down all the rivals business cards from the memo/information boards in village halls etc...

A old friend of mine (he's only 30 but I mean "old" in that I havent seen him for ages) went one step better than removing cards from all the usual places..

Years ago, he used to work in the only printing shop in the town. All the usual DJ's would put their business card work through his shop. He would print their 500 cards for them, with all the details perfectly reproduced...

...and then print another dozen for himself with slight adjustments to the telephone number. EG: 01433 342986 would become 01433 342896.

In case you havent already guessed, he would swap any real business cards he saw pinned up anywhere (and he had a few "adjusted" disco cards for around a dozen of the rival roadshows), and would swap it.

He used to really enjoy seeing rivals dummy cards pinned up in venues where he knew the rival had played in, since he switched the cards. The rivals obviously just see "their" card from afar, and dont bother looking really closely.